Tales from the Hurricane

It has been too long. Plenty of exciting things have happened in the world of THE Sean this summer, but we'll get to those later. For now, I thought I would kick things back off with one of my more epic nights in recent weeks. It was the weekend of August 27th and Hurricane Irene was rolling through town.....

Admittedly, I didn't expect much out of the night. I attended a Hurricane party before heading out to brave the bars and the weather. Many places were closed and the few that were open didn't have many people, except somehow we managed to find the one bar that had 3 bachelorette parties, 20 other chicks, and at most 8 other dudes. The ratio was literally 7 to 1, girl to guy. It was incredible, seriously amazing. In the long glorious history of nights out on the town, the odds were never better then at this bar on this night. Honestly, I doubt I will ever see odds like this again, EVER. The music was awesome, the chicks were cool, and the fun level was off the charts. Unfortunately, I somehow only managed a make session with a "Maid of Honor" and was unsuccessful in convincing her we should ride out the rest of the Hurricane back at my place.

But then there was the cab ride home....

I admit the 20 minute drive across town was frustrating and became even more frustrating when we arrived at my house as the cab driver realized he did not have change for a twenty. He offered to drive 2 blocks up the street to the 7-Eleven to make change and then return me home. I quickly accepted and we were on our way. As we were driving back to my house after the quick stop off at 7-Eleven, he picked-up a young lady on the corner to drive her home once he dropped me off. Except, the cab driver was sh*t out of luck because in the block-and-a-half back to my house I convinced her to join me at my place for a drink. Boom. Done. Book it!

She didn't leave until the morning.

The Casual Principles

So my long-time BFF, "Jess", reminded this past weekend of what this blog is all about - AWESOME DATING ADVICE. I mean let's be real here. My Dating Game Series probably helped at least six people get laid. So we have covered the lightest side of things and we have discussed defining the relationship with the Manifesto, so what about the in between? You know that time where you are looking for something more meaningful (or at least something more consistent) than random strange, but aren't really ready to lock it down yet? Have no fear my friends, THE Sean Sullivan is here to help.

Picture this. Oh man, I could really use someone as an example here for this. I wish Manifesto Mike was making all sorts of mistakes right now I could discuss. Side note, I was all ready to report the fall of Manifesto Mike as he went hard move-in with a chick, in less than 12 months no less (of course he did that). Why am I not surprised?? Anyway, apparently that didn't work out and now Manifesto Mike is probably making his way through Baltimore trying to lock down another D.T.R. Typical. Oh yeah what about Chickey? Apparently, he is still getting totally dominated by the SAME GIRLFRIEND. Pathetic.....and sad really.

Okay where was I? Oh yeah. Picture this. Two people meet. Things are good. Between work, friends, and other commitments their time is limited, but they get together when they can. It's fun and casual. They hang out a little, bone a little..... or A LOT, and maybe even start sharing meals together. There is no full-time commitment or calling every night - a perfect state of affairs really. And then it happens. One person wants to start upping the hang out volume, maybe even start hanging with friends, although I think we all know where that leads. Then the fights start happening. One person wants to pull back on the hang out sessions while the other is thinking D......T......R. As the one defending your time and space, you wonder where did it all go wrong?? What happened to the fun casual thing we had going? And with that I present to you - The Casual Principles: The 5 sure fire rules that will keep things cool and casual for as long as you want....

Rule #5. Avoid the Routine. Repeat after me. ROUTINES RESULT IN RELATIONSHIPS. Fact. Look it up. And hopefully the alliteration makes this rule easy to remember. You need to keep things interesting. Keep the other person guessing. Maybe dinner and sex on a Tuesday one week and then maybe some afternoon delight on a Sunday afternoon the next week. The less of a routine the better. If you start making someone your Friday night special, then they are going to start asking questions when you don't hit them up for dinner, a movie and a make-out session one Friday night.

Rule #4 - Limit the Sleepovers. Notice I say "limit." Obviously, morning hook-up sessions are awesome. BOOK IT! That said, you need to walk a fine line here because sleepovers lead to pillow talk, which leads to intimacy and we really don't need that if we are going to keep things casual. Of course, if you are going to sleepover try not to cuddle that really doesn't help the situation and if there are pillow talks....

Rule #3 - Devil is in the Details. The less he or she knows the better. Don't let this person into your world. At this point in the game, there is no need to discuss your bad day at work or how you hate going to strip clubs at bachelor parties when they are not full nude. Details like this start letting people in and that will not help down the road. Right now, it is all about having fun. Tell a few jokes, maybe a few funny stories. Just remember, whatever you do - keep it light. And don't even think about activities that involve nesting or shopping. That is a disaster waiting to happen.

Rule # 2 - The L Word. No, I am not talking about that show on Showtime and more importantly I am not even talking about the word "love" right now. Do not start dropping phrases such as "I really LIKE you" or "I LIKE how I can be myself around you." Comments like this will certainly lead you out of casual and into a relationship. Let me be clear though. Comments such as "I LIKE your tits" or "I LIKE your ass," totally acceptable. Compliments are a good thing, but keep it to tangible things you can see or touch though. No talking about their spirit or soul and sh*t.

Rule #1 - Great Expectations (Or Lack There Of). This is by far the most important rule because sometimes the other person can misread the signs. More importantly maybe you are sending out mixed signals with a rountine-like relationship or pretty much allowing the other person to be apart of almost every aspect of your life - did some say going to Ikea together? Either way, it is time to lay it out there. Have I slipped-up on occasion on the first 4 rules? Absolutely. It should be known going to Ikea was not one of them. However, one thing is certainly clear when a lady friend wants to upgrade from coach to business class - I don't do serious, at least not right now. Of course, there is no need to announce this right from the start or even say it all, but if it does come up make it perfectly clear that casual is all you are looking for at the moment. At the same time, you have to be comfortable with letting them go so to speak. Your counterpart may no longer be in the same place as you are anymore and parting ways may be best. Being clear here will save you a lot of trouble down the road and usually means you can end things on amicable terms. Of course, sometimes they say they are cool with casual and they are really not and then things get weird. But hey, the way I see it, you did your part and made yourself perfectly clear. Remember though, actions speak louder than words, so Rules #5 - #2 go along way to making your attentions known. And one more thing, don't go back to the well once things have ended unless you are ready to committ. It does nobody any good and there are plenty of other opportunities out there waiting for you.

Okay there you have it. Now go out there and get the hassle free casual partner you always wanted!

You Don't Know What You Got Until It's Gone...

Just like that it ended. The Dream was over. The title for the "Worst Bar on the East Coast" is now up for grabs because the place known as "The Mill" closed its doors forever last night. As someone who spent the better part of a decade wasting my Friday and Saturday nights at this unimpressive bar, I can honestly I am going to miss it. I mean this place was beyond terrible, yet I went there so often I had recently made a New Years resolution to avoid the place; however, when I got word of its closing on Saturday night I was struck with shock and a little bit of sadness. Of course, it didn't help I was in hour 12 of Saturday fun day when I received the news. Fortunately, I was at a birthday party and could drown my emotions in my one and only food vice, not known as diet pills......cupcakes. After 3 or 4 cupcakes, my roommate and I wandered up 18th Street for one last Saturday night at our most common stomping ground.


Word of The Mill's closing must have made its way around town because the place was packed. Normally, you could own the place because on a good night there may have been 30 people in the joint. I guess that is what you get when you literally offer nothing except super-sized mixed drinks and a smell that would take days, if not weeks to get out of your clothes. I mean you have to try to be as bad as this place. Looking back, their ability to suck that badly was impressive. It was a dive bar in truest sense - unassuming and shitty. There was rarely a hot chick in the place although there seem to be a fair share of hotties there on Saturday night. So for good measure I struck out a couple times, including with one chick, who thought I was gay. Really?? Had she been talking to my Dad? Anyway, after one last super sized vodka soda and a few good-bye shots, the night ended without much fare.

Of course, one good-bye was not enough. Last night, my roommate and I went back for a few beers to say another final good-bye. The place was jumping. Clearly, The Mill was a neighborhood staple and meant a lot to the locals. Of course, the highlight was when someone slipped "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith on the jukebox and 80% of the bar was singing aloud - pretty hysterical stuff. In the age of trendy dive bars like the Raven, Dan's Cafe, and that crap on H Street, in my book The Mill takes the cake - such a dump, but you always went back for more. What a journey. It will be missed.....

Game Changer

I know once again I have managed to be MIA on the blog. The last few months have been interesting to say the least. Yes, the excuses range from being too busy at work (lame) to crushing it at a whole bunch of weddings (awesome), but really I have been mulling over one very BIG decision. First a little background, THE Sean Sullivan has been without a car for quite a while now. It has been years since I have pushed my own ride. If I absolutely needed a car, I mostly piggy backed off friends to get where I am going or free loaded off the 'rents. More than either of those, I have grown even more urban by utilizing public transportation all-the-time, especially the bus. The bus has become THE Sean Sullivan's calling card so-to-speak (in more ways than one). Yes, for the last few years I have used the bus to get to work, the bar, a date, or really anywhere I need to go in the city. I know timetables, bus routes, the good routes, the bad routes - I got that sh*t down.

Here's the kicker though. The bus has been a total money maker in the dating game. Who knew bus knowledge would be so useful when it comes to the ladies? I am sure you are wondering how this all works. Well, I kind of stumbled on this play by accident, but it is totally awesome. Now after a slumber party with a lady, it is customary for her to do some sort of walk of shame to a cab or maybe if you are a gentlemen you'll drive her home. Of course, for the past few years I haven't even had a chance to answer to the question, "can you drive me home?" because I have been without a car. Amazingly, I have been able to overcome this fact by taking said lady for a cup coffee and some sort of pastry or breakfast sandwich only to use my knowledge of the bus system to put her on the proper bus home. Yes, you read that correctly. No ride home. No cab. Not even the subway. YES, I PUT SAID LADIES ON THE BUS TO GET HOME. Of course, one would think this is my ultimate undoing and I am never hearing from said ladies again. Well, you would be wrong because apparently it only enhances the appeal. It works 100% percent of the time every time. They love it or at least they say they love it. It doesn't even matter because I definitely hear from said ladies again.

That leads me to my current dilemma. Life is becoming more and more difficult without my own automobile. With my job now outside the city limits, commuting is more cumbersome and time consuming. Plus, I can't always rely on Mom's ride to get to golf or my brother's broke a$$ jeep to tailgate at Redskins game. At the same time, getting a car would totally ruin my street cred with what has become THE Sean Sullivan trademark - coffee and a bus token. Of course, I could lie to the ladies and put them on the bus anyway, but it's not the same. There was something genuine and real about it when I didn't have a car. It would just feel cheap and lame if I actually had a car and still put them on the bus.

So I finally decided to take the plunge and get a car. Now not any car would do. I need a new game changer. I need something over-the-top. I mean come on. If I'm going to retire the bus move or at least put it on the shelf for a while, then I am going to need something awesome to replace it. There is only one acceptable answer that meets all my golf and tailgating needs while also being mildly ostentatious - A RANGE ROVER. BOOK IT! I'm locking it down on Friday. BOO-YEAH!

Heartbreak Hotel

Well, it's official. Rose and I are done. I probably should have seen this one coming. She was always saying sh*t like, "I need to more attentive to her needs" and "I need to be there for her." Like I am supposed to know what the f*ck that means. Come on. Let's be serious. That sh*t adults say. I'm not an adult. I'm not even 30 yet.

Of course, it would have been nice to know we broke up. That heartless b*tch didn't even has the decency to call or email or send me a postcard saying that we were through. I am sure you are wondering how I found out. Ironically, it was the same medium that brought us together - Fbook. Yes as luck would have it an Fbook friend informed me of my break-up via my apparent "change in relationship" status. What is that sh*t? My social network knew I was single before I even knew I was single. Man, I am having a tough couple weeks. First, my Dad thinks I am gay and now Rose left me. Of course, you know what this means? I'M BACK AND IT"S GOING TO BE AWESOME.........

Really!?!?!?

I realize I have been on the sports tip for a while now. What can I say?? Big things are going on here in DC when it comes to sports and I need to share my frustration and excitement. That said, I think it is time to get back to what I do best: talking about chicks and living the dream. I actually have a cue of posts (that are not quite finished) about all sorts of things as it relates to dating and women, so clearly I have been wanting to get back to that for a while now; however, I am now extra motivated after this past weekend with the fam.

In recent months, I have noticed a trend at family dinners and events, a more serious line of questioning about my dating life. No questions directed at my brother or sister, just me. Most of the questions revolve around having a girlfriend, which ultimately lead to comments from Mom and Dad about "settling down." My parents have never been the "you need to get married and settled down early" type, which I have always appreciated. So I thought my response about enjoying the dating scene would suffice. Of course, I have never really mentioned the blog figuring the less they know the better. Clearly, "enjoying the dating scene" is not enough anymore and now that I have hit my late 20s there is apparently cause for concern at home. However, it is not exactly the concern you would think.

On Saturday afternoon, I stopped by my parents to pick-up my Mom's ride so I could the hit pool that afternoon with friend (who happens to be a women). That, of course, lead to questions like "is she your girlfriend?" or "is this a date?" After clearly explaining she was just a friend, it happened....

THE Littlest Sullivan: "So I was driving with Dad the other day and out of nowhere he goes, 'is Sean gay?' "

Let that settle for a minute. Okay one more time...

THE Littlest Sullivan: "So I was driving with Dad the other day and out of nowhere he goes, 'is Sean gay?' "

That's right my Dad is wondering about my sexual orientation. Because of my lack of long-term girlfriend prospects my Dad now thinks I am no longer into chicks. Of course, my Dad could have pointed to certain gay stereotypes like my acute fashion sense, the need to see a hair stylist, and love for Bette Midler (this one is not true. I find Bette Midler annoying) as reasons that might create doubt. Instead, this comes down to one thing THE Sean Sullivan has not brought a girl home to meet Mom and Dad since he was a clueless 21 year old. Side note, there is nothing wrong with being gay. I'm totally down with men being into other men (or women being into other women for that matter) that is just not my style. Okay, what was I saying? Oh yeah, I think I need to sit Pops down and explain to him what's up. He has been married for 30 years, so he probably forgot the joys of bachelorhood. I will have to remind him. Although I am not sure I need to tell him about this or this or even this, but he needs to knows I am just trying to live the dream.....

A Sporting Debacle

I used to like LeBron James. I use to defend LeBron James. I honestly thought he was the next GREAT thing in basketball. He was MJ, Magic, and Bird all rolled into one. He was destined for greatness. He may still be all these things, but this whole "Decision"debacle borderlines on the absurd. Of course, our society's 24/7 media coverage is part to blame, but most of this is on LeBron who has built himself up to a be a walking corporation. Of course, LeBron has gone on record as saying he wants to be a global icon. Shame on him though because PR firms and his inner circle marketing team will only take him so far. The real way to global icon status is winning. Just ask MJ, Tiger, and others who achieved such status. Tweeting and calling press conferences for an ESPN Special do not make you a global icon.

At this point, in my mind he is nothing more than a supremely talented dud. The best care about winning and LeBron just cares about being the center of attention. After all, that is what this 9pm announcement is, a build-up of attention for "THE CHOSEN ONE" with "THE DECISION." Memo to LeBron, this is not a Presidential election. This is you making a decision about what team to play for. I am going on record as saying if LeBron goes on TV tonight and does not chose the Cavaliers, which is looking more and more possible, then this will be the single greatest sporting debacle EVER. Athletes are self-absorbed, but to go on TV and announce the total abandonment of the team, the hometown, and the state in an hour along ESPN Special truly takes self-absorption to a whole new level. Look, if LeBron wants to play Chicago, Miami, or New York that's fine. Those teams may offer him a better chance to win, but LeBron should do it with class. Make the call, sign a contract, and move on. In the end, "The Decision" is nothing more than a charade bordering on tragedy if he skips town for other pastures. Of course even after this little tirade, I am still going to watch it hoping after all this LeBron does the right thing and chooses Cleveland.