The Bad Date Phenomenon

Our society is obsessed with conspiracy theories and phenomenons. Whether its conspiracy theories on who shot JFK to those who theorize the 1985 NBA draft lottery was fixed so the New York Knicks could draft Patrick Ewing, we can never seem to get enough. There is always constant speculation. The same could be said for phenomenons. We are fixated on everything that is extraordinary and out of the ordinary. We worship the rarest of athletes like Tiger Woods (me in particular), go crazy for the hottest new movie star, love the next “it thing” like IPods or IPhones, and just can’t seem to get enough of things like social networking websites and reality TV. With that in mind, I now introduce to you the “Bad Date Phenomenon.” This phenomenon is more of the unexplainable variety. It is kind of like disco in the 70s. No one knew why it was so cool and popular it just was. Or like the acting career of Colin Farrell. Everyone knows he is a terrible actor, yet inexplicably he still continues to get roles in movies. The same could be said for the Bad Date Phenomenon which goes something like this: Every bad first date ends with the guy going home with the girl. No one really knows why it just happens.

Let’s be clear - a bad date and going home with a chick after date are NOT mutually exclusive. So for you ladies out there reading this, while trying to quickly recount every occurrence of this very thing, do not worry. Just because you went home with a guy after a first date does NOT mean it was a bad date. I have had great dates and average dates end with a nightcap and I have had great dates and average dates end with the ass out hug and a peck on the cheek. However, it's a fact every truly bad date I have ever gone on has ended with me and the girl going home together. To say this has happened to me a lot would be a gross overstatement. I actually would categorize most dates as average or just okay as opposed to awful. To give you a better picture though, here are a couple bad encounters from my dating past:

Bad Date #1

“Mindy” and I met for drinks one night after work. I would say about 20 minutes into the date one thing was clear: THIS GIRL WANTED TO GET AFTER IT. I mean she was slamming beers. The ratio was easily two or three to one. She was well into beer #3 before I finished my first. Admittedly, I am a notoriously slow drinker, except when it comes to drinking games. Just ask Manifesto Mike. I dominated his a$$ in one-on-one flip cup a couple weeks ago. I finished my beer and flipped the cup before he was even done drinking. This happened not once, but twice. It was a pathetic by Manifesto Mike and he now owes me a make-out session with his girlfriend. Don’t worry - it’s cool. Friends share. Anyway, I digress.

At first, I thought Mindy’s thirst for Miller Lites was a good thing thinking to myself, “ok cool, this girl likes to party.” Well what became abundantly clear was this girl was really boring. I mean painfully boring. Conversation with her was like pulling teeth. I can usually carry the conversation, but this was brutal. I had nothing. Talking seemed almost like a waste of time with her because she was just putting back beer after beer. After several pitchers, I maybe had four or five beers and she polished off a baker’s dozen. It was impressive. After a brief stint at another bar, she made it abundantly clear she was ready to go back to my place…..

Bad Date #2

This girl, “Kara”, literally made every mistake in the book. Don’t get me wrong she was really nice, but she would have been better off writing the words DESPERATE on her forehead and saving us both the trouble. Here are a couple conversation highlights:

Kara: “So have you ever had a girlfriend?” (giving me a little bit of attitude)

TSS: “Maybe.”

Kara: “So you have had a serious relationship?”

TSS: “Yeah one or two. How good are these Miller Lites??”

Kara: “What happened?”

TSS: “They found Jesus and converted to the Nunnery.”

As you can see, I’m trying to deflect the question and avoid the topic with humor. Ladies, do not EVER, EVER ask this question on a first date. I know that is almost stating the obvious, but seriously guys don’t want to talk about past relationships, nor do they want to hear about your past relationships.

The conversation continues....

Kara: “All my friends are getting married. I’m probably going to be single forever. Or I probably won’t find someone until I’m like 36.” (In a joking manner)

TSS: “Yeah most of my friends are single, it’s awesome.”

Seriously, does she actually think I’m going to buy this and think it’s funny? Ladies, once again, DO NOT try to make jokes like this. They are pathetic and incredibly transparent.

And finally back at my place….

Kara: “You probably go out with girls all the time?”

TSS: “Only in odd numbered months in even numbered years.”

Okay seriously??? I HATE THIS QUESTION. NEVER ASK THIS QUESTION. This is the ultimate trap question and it pisses me off. I have come to realize women like strength in numbers and want to know that other girls want the guy they are interested in while still feeling they are the only one the guy has his sights on. This understanding is better off unsaid. I mean does she really want to know the answer to this question? Definitely not.

Kara: “Wait, I don’t understand. So you see other girls? You probably do because the night we met you came right up to me at a bar and started talking to me.”

Okay that's it. She can’t have her cake and eat it too. The confidence at the bar was probably the basis of the appeal and why she probably agreed to go out with me in the first place. Now all of sudden me approaching her at the bar bothers her? She needs to get a grip. And this ladies and gentlemen pretty much sums up a truly bad date and maybe the worst date I have ever been on.

I know what you’re thinking, “if the dates are so bad, then why do you go home with these girls?” While it would be cliché to say I’m a guy and this is our nature, it’s actually the truth. Men are incredibly simplistic. What about the chick in these situations? Somehow in the midst of all the terribleness of a date like this, chicks somehow decide they want to go home with me too. How does that work? I have to admit I have never quit understood why the girl decides going home together is a good idea when things are clearly not going well. If this was one night stand time that would be one thing, but calls and texts usually follow in the coming days and weeks. Can two people really read a situation, in this case a date, so differently? I would like to think I have good instincts when it comes to reading a situation, but maybe I'm just way off. In the end, there are more questions than answers when it comes to the Bad Date Phenomenon. Hopefully one day I will have a moment of zen providing me clarity on this unexplainable phenomenon. Maybe that's just it there is no answer. It really does just happen. Watch out people - the Bad Date Phenomenon is out there and it is one of nature's unexplainable events.

More next week on all things dating....

The Dating Game Series
Intro
A Lost Art