The Casual Principles

So my long-time BFF, "Jess", reminded this past weekend of what this blog is all about - AWESOME DATING ADVICE. I mean let's be real here. My Dating Game Series probably helped at least six people get laid. So we have covered the lightest side of things and we have discussed defining the relationship with the Manifesto, so what about the in between? You know that time where you are looking for something more meaningful (or at least something more consistent) than random strange, but aren't really ready to lock it down yet? Have no fear my friends, THE Sean Sullivan is here to help.

Picture this. Oh man, I could really use someone as an example here for this. I wish Manifesto Mike was making all sorts of mistakes right now I could discuss. Side note, I was all ready to report the fall of Manifesto Mike as he went hard move-in with a chick, in less than 12 months no less (of course he did that). Why am I not surprised?? Anyway, apparently that didn't work out and now Manifesto Mike is probably making his way through Baltimore trying to lock down another D.T.R. Typical. Oh yeah what about Chickey? Apparently, he is still getting totally dominated by the SAME GIRLFRIEND. Pathetic.....and sad really.

Okay where was I? Oh yeah. Picture this. Two people meet. Things are good. Between work, friends, and other commitments their time is limited, but they get together when they can. It's fun and casual. They hang out a little, bone a little..... or A LOT, and maybe even start sharing meals together. There is no full-time commitment or calling every night - a perfect state of affairs really. And then it happens. One person wants to start upping the hang out volume, maybe even start hanging with friends, although I think we all know where that leads. Then the fights start happening. One person wants to pull back on the hang out sessions while the other is thinking D......T......R. As the one defending your time and space, you wonder where did it all go wrong?? What happened to the fun casual thing we had going? And with that I present to you - The Casual Principles: The 5 sure fire rules that will keep things cool and casual for as long as you want....

Rule #5. Avoid the Routine. Repeat after me. ROUTINES RESULT IN RELATIONSHIPS. Fact. Look it up. And hopefully the alliteration makes this rule easy to remember. You need to keep things interesting. Keep the other person guessing. Maybe dinner and sex on a Tuesday one week and then maybe some afternoon delight on a Sunday afternoon the next week. The less of a routine the better. If you start making someone your Friday night special, then they are going to start asking questions when you don't hit them up for dinner, a movie and a make-out session one Friday night.

Rule #4 - Limit the Sleepovers. Notice I say "limit." Obviously, morning hook-up sessions are awesome. BOOK IT! That said, you need to walk a fine line here because sleepovers lead to pillow talk, which leads to intimacy and we really don't need that if we are going to keep things casual. Of course, if you are going to sleepover try not to cuddle that really doesn't help the situation and if there are pillow talks....

Rule #3 - Devil is in the Details. The less he or she knows the better. Don't let this person into your world. At this point in the game, there is no need to discuss your bad day at work or how you hate going to strip clubs at bachelor parties when they are not full nude. Details like this start letting people in and that will not help down the road. Right now, it is all about having fun. Tell a few jokes, maybe a few funny stories. Just remember, whatever you do - keep it light. And don't even think about activities that involve nesting or shopping. That is a disaster waiting to happen.

Rule # 2 - The L Word. No, I am not talking about that show on Showtime and more importantly I am not even talking about the word "love" right now. Do not start dropping phrases such as "I really LIKE you" or "I LIKE how I can be myself around you." Comments like this will certainly lead you out of casual and into a relationship. Let me be clear though. Comments such as "I LIKE your tits" or "I LIKE your ass," totally acceptable. Compliments are a good thing, but keep it to tangible things you can see or touch though. No talking about their spirit or soul and sh*t.

Rule #1 - Great Expectations (Or Lack There Of). This is by far the most important rule because sometimes the other person can misread the signs. More importantly maybe you are sending out mixed signals with a rountine-like relationship or pretty much allowing the other person to be apart of almost every aspect of your life - did some say going to Ikea together? Either way, it is time to lay it out there. Have I slipped-up on occasion on the first 4 rules? Absolutely. It should be known going to Ikea was not one of them. However, one thing is certainly clear when a lady friend wants to upgrade from coach to business class - I don't do serious, at least not right now. Of course, there is no need to announce this right from the start or even say it all, but if it does come up make it perfectly clear that casual is all you are looking for at the moment. At the same time, you have to be comfortable with letting them go so to speak. Your counterpart may no longer be in the same place as you are anymore and parting ways may be best. Being clear here will save you a lot of trouble down the road and usually means you can end things on amicable terms. Of course, sometimes they say they are cool with casual and they are really not and then things get weird. But hey, the way I see it, you did your part and made yourself perfectly clear. Remember though, actions speak louder than words, so Rules #5 - #2 go along way to making your attentions known. And one more thing, don't go back to the well once things have ended unless you are ready to committ. It does nobody any good and there are plenty of other opportunities out there waiting for you.

Okay there you have it. Now go out there and get the hassle free casual partner you always wanted!

You Don't Know What You Got Until It's Gone...

Just like that it ended. The Dream was over. The title for the "Worst Bar on the East Coast" is now up for grabs because the place known as "The Mill" closed its doors forever last night. As someone who spent the better part of a decade wasting my Friday and Saturday nights at this unimpressive bar, I can honestly I am going to miss it. I mean this place was beyond terrible, yet I went there so often I had recently made a New Years resolution to avoid the place; however, when I got word of its closing on Saturday night I was struck with shock and a little bit of sadness. Of course, it didn't help I was in hour 12 of Saturday fun day when I received the news. Fortunately, I was at a birthday party and could drown my emotions in my one and only food vice, not known as diet pills......cupcakes. After 3 or 4 cupcakes, my roommate and I wandered up 18th Street for one last Saturday night at our most common stomping ground.


Word of The Mill's closing must have made its way around town because the place was packed. Normally, you could own the place because on a good night there may have been 30 people in the joint. I guess that is what you get when you literally offer nothing except super-sized mixed drinks and a smell that would take days, if not weeks to get out of your clothes. I mean you have to try to be as bad as this place. Looking back, their ability to suck that badly was impressive. It was a dive bar in truest sense - unassuming and shitty. There was rarely a hot chick in the place although there seem to be a fair share of hotties there on Saturday night. So for good measure I struck out a couple times, including with one chick, who thought I was gay. Really?? Had she been talking to my Dad? Anyway, after one last super sized vodka soda and a few good-bye shots, the night ended without much fare.

Of course, one good-bye was not enough. Last night, my roommate and I went back for a few beers to say another final good-bye. The place was jumping. Clearly, The Mill was a neighborhood staple and meant a lot to the locals. Of course, the highlight was when someone slipped "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith on the jukebox and 80% of the bar was singing aloud - pretty hysterical stuff. In the age of trendy dive bars like the Raven, Dan's Cafe, and that crap on H Street, in my book The Mill takes the cake - such a dump, but you always went back for more. What a journey. It will be missed.....