D.T.R Manifesto

DTR is without a doubt the greatest acronym going right now.  For you Richmond readers, no it does not mean Downtown Richmond.    It actually means Define The Relationship ("DTR"). The most recognizable example of the DTR is usually a conversation one, two, or in some cases fourteen months into the casual dating relationship.  Guys often finding themselves confronted with the question "So, where's this going?" from their lady counterpart.  For girls, you can usually tell if your guy wants to DTR it when comments or questions like this make their way into the conversation - "I'm really into you" or "Uh, so, uh, are we like dating??" 

DTR is definitely the most interesting and, for some, possibly the most aggravating part of the dating game.  It is often a true tug-of-war between the man and the woman.  Let me be clear though men and woman are on both sides of the DTR game.  There are both men and woman rushing to the DTR finish line while others, like myself, are running for the exits when the DTR rears its head.

I have a friend who seems to be a little confused or in flat out denial when it comes to the DTR. For the purposes of this blog, let's call this friend, Mike.  Without getting into too much detail, Mike re-connected with an old gf several months ago.  Much to my surprise, he has kept the relationship casual for several months now; however, Mike has made a serious error and may have unknowingly DTR'd himself right out of bachelorhood.  We'll get back to his situation later.

Fortunately for Mike, I have developed the DTR Manifesto.  These 7 triggers define the relationship without actually having the conversation about the relationship.  If you commit one of these seven sins, then you just said bye-bye to single life without even knowing what's up.

#7.  Meet the Parents.  Meeting the parents is absolutely a DTR.  The minute you meet the parents - boom!  Lock-it up - relationship time.  This is so obvious is not even worth mentioning; HOWEVER, there is a way to anticipate this potential pit fall if you are paying attention.  As things progress up the casual scale, often times you will hear comments like "oh, I wish you were around Sunday afternoon to meet my parents."  Under no circumstances, say, "that would have been great.  I really want to meet them sometime."  Whether you mean it or not, you basically just committed yourself because the next time the parents are around.  You mind as well book that sh*t because you are f*cking going.  A better response to the initial comment would be  - "Yeah, I have greco roman wrestling with the fellas.  Sorry babe."

#6.  The airport.  Laugh it up, but it is absolutely true.  Harry was onto something with this one in When Harry Met Sally.  Never, ever take someone you are casually dating to the airport (with one exception - see rule #3).  It is sets a precedent and you now basically have one foot in the relationship door.  He or she is no longer seeking a friend to help them out for a ride, he or she has your a$$.  You're done - DTR!  

#5  You are casually dating.  He or she gets sick.  You take care of them. Over. DTR.  Enough said.

#4 Rule of 4.  In college's that have greek life, this was known as the double function assumption.  If someone asked you to back-to-back social functions and you were not dating, then a date function twice over usually signaled someone wanted something a little more.  We are in the real world now people, okay maybe I'm sort of in the real world, but the rule is now double.  If you commit one of your weekend nights for 4 straight weekends to your casual counterpart for activities like dinner and movie, The Notebook on NetFlix, or drinking wine by the fire, then it is absolutely over for you. DTR squared b*tch! Oh yes, meeting people for drinks at some lame bar with your "fling" and bailing before midnight definitely counts as part of the rule of 4.  If you are reading this and you just finished week 3 in the Rule of 4, then you better realize your a$$ has 48 hours to make plans to go balls to the wall next weekend or you are about to get DTR'd because your casual counterpart is going to come calling mid-week.

#3 Pet Sitting. This one is more of a special case scenario.  He or she goes out of town and you manage not to take them to the airport, but inexplicably volunteer to watch, feed, and walk their pets. Don't even fight it - DTR!  You are done with a captial D.  When given the option chose the airport.

#2 Friend time.  The minute you start spending a significant amount of time with his or her friends, then it is to start smelling the DTR roses.  Friend time means his or her friends like you, which means he or she really likes you, which ultimately leads to the DTR.  The cardinal sin here is you start participating in special events by or for their friends.  Good example - guy meets girl, casual dating ensues, girl has guy friend who is engaged, guy friend has a bachelor party and you are invited.  Guy friend is awesome, you decide to go, f*ck it you're done,  DTR.  

#1  Going away together.  This one should be obvious, but for some people it's not.  If someone proposes a weekend getaway or 4 day destination wedding in the Dominican Republic and you are just casually dating, well you can just throw the word "casual" away at the security gates like it is bottled water.  I don't care if it is going to be really fun and you are not thinking about this trip that way.  It doesn't matter, this is unequivocally a one-way trip to DTR town.  End of story.

Now, back to my friend, Mike.  When Mike first told me about his old/new fling I was convinced  he would be doomed by the Rule of 4.  Mike has done a great job maintaining a nice balance.  However, on Friday, after a couple cocktails on the waterfront, he revealed to me his upcoming plans with his lady friend.  In one fell swoop he broke the DTR Manifesto with rule #1 and rule #2. Let's just say it is of the cardinal sin variety for rule #2.  For those of you scoring at home, Mike with be attending an upcoming bachelor party for her friend followed by long weekend getaway in sunny Punta Cana.  Granted, Mike's circumstances are different considering they used to date.  That said, Mike has been adamant about keeping things light and casual this time around.  I have tried to show Mike the light, but he will not listen. He does not believe in the importance of the DTR Manifesto.  Please chime-in and help him. He is lost and needs to be found.

P.S. Other rules for the DTR Manifesto are open for discussion as well.