Searching for My Inner LeBron

In the last six months, I have elevated my game to a whole new level.  I have practically become unstoppable.  I can’t miss.  It all works – the jokes, the one-liners, the faxes.  My game is in a whole new stratosphere. I’m the 2008-2009 version of LeBron James.   Most people believe LeBron’s upside is limitless and this season he clearly has gone to a whole new level.  Not only are his numbers once again ridiculously insane, but his team tied for the best home record in NBA history and he also led his team to the best record in the NBA this season.  And let’s be real, how many people can name another player on the Cleveland Cavaliers besides LeBron James??  Okay, that’s what I thought.  The man is simply amazing.

While LeBron keeps on amazing us, I’m seemed to hit a serious stumbling block, which started three weeks ago at my five year college reunion.  Some of you know the story.  As for those of you who don’t know the tale, I don’t really want to get into it. It is just going to fire me up, it is just going to piss me off, so trust me when I say, it butt-fu*king sucked, a lot.  In the annals of god awful reunions, this one is definitely up there.  The only thing that could have made it worse would have been me showing up 100 pounds over-weight while still managing to be that guy with a coke problem.  That said, when the weekend ended, I expected to return to my home court and it would be business as usual, expect that hasn't happened. I have gone cold from field.  My jumpers aren’t falling.  I can’t get to the rim.  My game is in a total funk.  There is no better example of this funk than today…..

Over the last four-five weeks, I have developed a nice flirtation with this girl in my spin class.  We are in the same Wednesday lunch spin class at the Y.  Side note, for you punks out there laughing at my attendance to spin class, you should know I’m training for a triathlon.  I’m trying to be the best at exercise.  Clearly, I may have also tapped into a whole new world of women I didn’t even know about.  Anyway, back to this girl.  It started with an exchange of smiles, progressed to a few witty comments, and now we have some pretty fun conversations before and after class. 

Today, it was all right there in front of me.  First, she posted up into the bike next to my usual bike.  This was a good sign, considering she has her go-to bike as well and was breaking routine.  We made small talk before class and then after class she approached me to make more conversation. We talked for a while in the hallway.  It was light conversation, but very witty and fun.  At this point, I’m really starting to think this is on like Donkey Kong. Then, there was the pause.  You know, the pause, that momentary awkward break in conversation, where you both realize you both want it to keep going, but someone has to make a move.  You know you want to pull the trigger.  You want to say something; you want to ask her out.  And all the while during this moment she is waiting there because she wants you to say something as well.   This is the moment; this is what the game is all about; this is what I live for.  If I’m Lebron, then this is Game 7 of the NBA Finals. Time is winding down, my team is down one, I got the isolation I want against that Spanish oeuf, Pau Gasol, who can't guard worth sh*t and all I need to do is go to my crossover, blow by Gasol, walk 4 steps because that’s allowed in the NBA, and flush this b*tch home by asking her out.  I have been in this moment a hundred times.  This is easy. I got this sh*t, but wait….what do I do? I pass the ball to Delonte West and settle for “see you next week.”  

Seriously, “see you next week?”   Wow, that was pathetic.  I’m off to the gym. I’m going to shoot my way out of this funk. Don’t ask me what that means.  I’m just trying to end with one last basketball analogy.  And I'm still looking for my inner LeBron...