Time/Call Back Corollary

So it’s been a couple weeks since my last post. No lie, I’m pretty busy these days. Between my actual job, the Holiday season, and traveling there has been very little time for the blog. My bad, but hopefully I can make up for it with a couple more posts in the Dating Game Series. On top of all of this, BFF Jess made me a little paranoid for a while saying this Dating Game Series would be my undoing suggesting my moves and tips would be common place in the dating world thus rendering all of it ineffective. There was a momentary pause for concern, but then I realized this is what the readers want. So let’s blame the lack of posts in recent weeks on BFF Jess. If you want to send her hate messages, feel free to contact me and I will pass along her cell phone number and email. Wait, is that really worth trouble?? I doubt it. Let’s continue on….

Recently, I have encountered a few debates about the appropriate amount of time to wait before calling or texting. After all, you want to show interest, but you don’t want to look desperate. Now, some girls will tell you if you don’t call or text the next day, then you’re done. That’s crap. Those chicks are in the minority and are probably crazy anyway. They are just desperate and if that’s their rule they are going to be waiting a long time for a man. On the other hand, most girls will tell you contact from the guy the next day may signal that the guy is a little desperate for some action. Now, I think I have explained my stance on the appropriate form of communication, but that still begs the question - how long do you wait before reaching out to that little hottie you met at the bar???

I’m sure many of you remember the movie Swingers and this very debate may sound familiar. I think we can picture Jon Favreau’s character now calling that girl over and over only hours after he met her. I think we can all agree that scene was painful to watch. You may also remember, it is revealed two days is standard practice for a callback, but Vince Vaughn’s character prefers to wait six days. My opinion – two days is cliché and six days is probably too many. Although I have called a girl sixteen days after the fact, so maybe six days is a good number. Truth be told, there is no right number, but I think I have developed good guidelines to follow when figuring out when to call that special lady you met while putting back a few shots at the bar on Saturday night.

Like the title suggests, it all comes down to time. The more quality time together during your chance encounter means waiting less time to follow-up. Make sense? It may sound a little counter-intuitive at first, but if you think about it for a moment it does make sense. Let’s run through a few examples to illustrate the point…….

The 20 minute meet-and-greet. You meet a girl at a bar. You buy her a drink. You start making small talk and the next thing you know her and her friends are headed to Club Terrible for an all night dance session where some greased-up foreigner named, Paco, is going to grind-up on her all night. Like me, this is probably not your scene, but you know you want to hang out again because maybe you get the sense this is not this girl’s scene either. She is being a good friend and going along for the ride. You know for moral support for her friend, who needs to go to the club to feel good about herself as half of Europe hits on her. So of course, you get the girls' digits, but when should you call? Or when should you send that text to open the lines of the communication? I have an idea – DO NOT CONTACT HER THE NEXT DAY. There’s too little time to make a quality connection to support the next day shout out. Calling or texting the next day makes you look pathetic. Trust me, wait a few days and then give her a call. Maybe make it sound like your encounter was way too brief and you should get drinks sometime soon. Just a thought.

The 90 minute chat. Same situation. You meet. Share a couple cocktails over conversation that is more than just so "what do you do?" Maybe you meet a few of her friends and vice-versa. Somehow the night cannot continue. You are headed to the next bar as your buddy hopelessly tries to meet with some girl who is blowing him off. Or maybe she and her friends also happen to like Club Terrible. Who knows. It doesn't matter. You get her digits. Now what do you do? While I would not necessarily throw out some sort of text the next day. I think it is acceptable in this situation. Nothing too aggressive, but a simple, "great time last night. I'll call you soon. We'll hang out..." will work just fine.

The all night hangout. It's on from the word go. Multiple hours of fun. You meet. You laugh. You have drinks. The whispering in the ear ensues. You probably even hit the dance floor and show-off your moves to Empire State of Mind by Jay-Z. It's all good, but you can't close. Probably for one of three reasons - 1. you're pussy and can't make a play; 2. her friends intervene and ruin the entire thing for you and make her leave; or 3. she has a significant other and just happened to leave this detail out because about ten minutes into your conversation she begins to doubt her entire current relationship and decides to enjoy everything about hanging out with you on this night. All three of things are true and at some point have happened to almost every guy. The only exceptions are celebrities and this other "Sean" I know, who happens to be a Naval Aviator. For 1&2, you have a small window after she leaves to make late night happen. If not, I suggest waiting a couple days, but reaching out the next day might not be a bad thing in certain situations. For instance, if you text or call after she leaves that same night and don't hear back, DO NOT CONTACT HER THE NEXT DAY. If you decide to wait all together, some message the next day can be quite effective, similar to the prior situation discussed above. As for number 3, I suggest you not contact her AT ALL. I don't really recommend home wrecking. I don't practice it, but to each is own. Just proceed with caution on that one.

In short, the more quality time on the first encounter means the less time you have to wait to make that call. It's not an exact science, so use your best judgment. And if you're not sure - hit me up. I'm always here to help.

The Dating Game Series
Intro
A Lost Art
The Bad Date Phenomenon
Money Play Week
Money Play Week Continued