The Cluless Wonders

Hey people, Happy New Year! Yes, it's 2010. A new year and a new decade is upon us. My New Years' resolution is to blog everyday, so clearly I have already dropped the ball on that one. I do want to say thanks to those who have been keeping up with the blog. I have heard through the grapevine that posts like the D.T.R. Manifesto and certain moves during Money Play Week have come in rather handy recently, which is good to hear. I'm glad the blog is being put to good use. And with that.....

I thought an appropriate continuation of the Dating Game Series would be an update on two blog favorites. I'm sure you remember Chickey and Manifesto Mike?? How can anyone really forget these two guys. Of course, the fact they are roommates makes their whole situation that much more interesting. I can't decide if they feed off each other's cluelessness or really the gods of fate have allowed two people who can be so lost, confused, and desperate at times to be life long friends and roommates. No matter what the case may be, the two of them could really provide enough blog material to last at least a decade, at least.

Let's start with Chickey. Oh god where do I start with Chickey. Poor kid. I seriously feel bad for him at this point. His life seems to be destined to be one whipped bitch and NOT in a healthy way. If you don't recall, Chickey's life is completely dominated by his girlfriend. And things have not improved since I last posted about him. In fact, they have probably gotten worse. He really is one whipped puppy who is now not only waiting on her hand and foot, but is pretty much owned in every aspect of his life by her. Great example - they order carryout, he pays for it of course, she enjoys all of her meal only to get mad when Chickey eats all of his food as well. Why is she made? Because she now doesn't have leftovers for tomorrow's lunch. Seriously, what the sh*t is that??

When they are not together, he literally gets a call from her every 20 minutes to bother him about something. "Chickey, why did you accept this person's friend request on Facebook?" "Chickey, give me your password I want to defriend this person." "Chickey why aren't you coming over sooner." "Chickey, where are you I need you NOW all my roommates hate me." Gee, I wonder why anyone couldn't like this gem?? Anyway, I think you get the picture. You know it's bad when he looks forward to her leaving town, so he can at least enjoy some peace and quite. And by peace and quite I mean he stuffs his face with a burrito while playing Call of Duty on PS3. Chickey, it's time. Please dump her immediately. You deserve to play Call of Duty all the time and you can do better. I promise.

And then there is Manifesto Mike. While I genuinely feel bad for Chickey, I don't know what the f*ck Manifesto Mike is doing. The kid loves the relationship so much in less than 45 days from the Emergency D.T.R. he engages in the "soft move-in." What's the "soft move-in" you ask? I'm sure many of you are familiar with certain variations of this relationship stepping stone. Here's how works - you meet a girl. There are a few dates, then some hooking-up, followed by one or two week night sleep overs, maybe a D.T.R. occurs and then before you know it a whole bunch of crap starts showing-up at your place. It begins with maybe a toothbrush and a few items of clothing and then one day you realize she has her shampoo, conditioner, blow dryer, and two weeks worth of clothes at your place. And don't forget her soy milk in the frig. At this point, it is probably too late to change things up because she is averaging 4-6 sleepovers a week. And where does that leave you?? That's right, you have officially entered the "soft move-in" phase of your relationship. Luckily, you can ride this phase out for a while before you have to answering questions about other relationship "stepping stones." Side note, let's give the assist to my co-worker, "Andrew", for coining the phrase "soft move-in." Thank you Andrew.

While I was going to let the "soft move-in" slide, I then witnessed an absolutely mind bottling move by Manifesto Mike. First, a little more background. Manifesto Mike loves the gym. I mean HE LOVES THE GYM. Nothing gets him going like his big lifting sessions on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. In fact, it is almost impossible to get Manifesto Mike to go to happy hour right after work on Thursdays because he NEEDS to get in his big shoulder routine first. A few weeks back, I thought it was just another Monday at the office, but then out of nowhere it happened. At the end of the day, Manifesto Mike didn't go the gym for his big lift Mondays, which is chest and tris for those of you scoring at home, he went to see his girl instead. I couldn't believe my eyes. Manifesto Mike skipped a lifting session for dinner with his girlfriend. Wow - how the mighty have fallen......

The Dating Game Series
Intro
A Lost Art
The Bad Date Phenomenon
Money Play Week
Money Play Week (Cont'd)
Time/Call Back Corollary