Emergency: D.T.R. In Progress

I thought he learned, I thought the D.T.R Manifesto was the enlightenment that showed Manifesto Mike the light - "THE Sean Sullivan, you were right man that trip to the Dominican was a terrible call." In the end, the debacle that was the D.T.R. in the DR cost Manifesto Mike a multitude of amazing opportunities this summer because he wasted all his vacation time on that trip. Well, three months later and here we go again.....

The girl and the details have changed, but once again Manifesto Mike is going down the only road he has ever known.......the D.T.R! I mean who else stops mid workout to call his new lady of three weeks to see when the dinner she is making at his place is going to be ready? Yes, this happened yesterday according to a highly credible source. Three weeks? Seriously. This statement alone doesn't do his new D.T.R. justice. Here are a few other details:

1. Camping. Yes, last Friday Manifesto Mike spent a night in a tent with his new lady. (Editor's note: THE Sean Sullivan borderline despises camping. It's the worst) Granted this was a group camping trip, but when you snuggle under the stars with your girl of two weeks you just slumbered your way to relationship town.

2. Manifesto Mike wants to move to Baltimore. Two weeks ago, Manifesto Mike moved into some new digs here in DC and now wants to move to Baltimore? Well what do you know, his new little lady lives in the Queen City - how convenient.

3. He is approaching the Rule of 4 and fast. To refresh your memory.....

Rule of 4. In colleges that have greek life, this was known as the double function assumption. If someone asked you to back-to-back social functions and you were not dating, then a date function twice over usually signaled someone wanted something a little more. We are in the real world now people, okay maybe I'm sort of in the real world, but the rule is now double. If you commit one of your weekend nights for 4 straight weekends to your casual counterpart for activities like dinner and movie, The Notebook on NetFlix, or drinking wine by the fire, then it is absolutely over for you. DTR squared b*tch! Oh yes, meeting people for drinks at some lame bar with your "fling" and bailing before midnight definitely counts as part of the rule of 4. If you are reading this and you just finished week 3 in the Rule of 4, then you better realize your a$$ has 48 hours to make plans to go balls to the wall next weekend or you are about to get DTR'd because your casual counterpart is going to come calling mid-week.

The weekend is coming quick and he is about to hit weekend #3. Technically, he was in Miami for weekend #1, but she slept over the night before he left. Book that sh*t it counts. So unless he is planning to go big without her, then our boy is well on his way.

Look I love chicks. I like dating chicks and I am all for being into your girl, but Manifesto Mike loves to put on the front that he wants to play on like a playa and then he pulls sh*t like this every single time without fail. Seriously, at this point I think it is pretty clear we have a Serial D.T.R on our hands, except Manifesto Mike is the worst kind of Serial D.T.R because he can't even admit he is a Serial D.T.R. I would liken this to the girl who thinks she is low maintenance when she is really high maintenance. So Manifesto Mike the gig is up. You Serial D.T.R you. Look at it this way, maybe this time around you can give your roommate, Chickey, a few relationship tips....