Monday Morning Coffee

Sometimes, it is just your week. Everything seems to go your way. Last week was my week. First, I found my watch, which had been missing for over a year. In the scheme of things, no big deal, but considering all the other breaks it is definitely worth noting. Second, my blackberry was returned to me. This not only saved me $200, but a considerable amount of time and effort trying to track down contact information. It was refreshing to see a thoughtful cab driver track me down to return my phone. He was even kind of enough to put it in the mail for me since the phone went missing when I was out of town. Finally after the debacle that was my computer crashing, I got word that I was getting a brand new computer to replace my old one. I now have a brand new Mac. Yes, book it! So here is the first post from my new comp…….

Real Men (And Women) of Genius –

So I haven’t decided if the girl in this story is a genius or the boy is a clueless puppy who’s in desperate need of help. I’ll let you be the judge. This on-going saga involves Manifesto Mike’s roommate, "Chickey", and his girlfriend, "Mrs. Chickey." Before I get started, I thought I would report back on Manifesto Mike’s D.T.R. in the DR. The couples’ trip to the Dominican pretty much ended their relationship. So much for the trip cementing that relationship, I guess there really was trouble in paradise. READERS, THIS IS A WARNING: NEVER IGNORE THE D.T.R. MANIFESTO. If Manifesto Mike had realized the error in his ways, then he would have never committed to the trip and could have avoided fighting with his pseudo girlfriend all week. Now, Manifesto Mike has used all his vacation days and will probably miss events like the upcoming Friends Weekend 2K9. What a moron.

Okay back to Chickey and his girlfriend. Chickey is a tragic figure really. Nothing ever seems to go his way. For example, in less than a year as a DC resident, Chickey has accumulated $1000 in parking tickets and has had his car booted and towed. Just a couple weeks ago, Chickey was out of town for work, only to return with his car on cinder blocks. Some people just can’t catch a break. I have only known Chickey for a year or two, but this kind of luck seems to carry over to the ladies as well. Actually, before the name “Chickey” caught-on, he was affectionately referred to as “anti-poon.” On more than one occasion, he ruined it for himself and for others around him. I pretty sure the name of his cologne was “Desperation.” You could sense the desperation as he would try to talk to women.

Last December, it all came together for Chickey. He met a girl, went to the promised land, and for a short while was one smitten kitten. Six months later, he looks like a worn out dog. He has been beaten into submission. See this is Chickey’s first girlfriend and let’s just say Mrs. Chickey is taking full advantage of how clueless Chickey really is. Here are some highlights from a day in the life on Chickey and Mrs. Chickey –

In the morning - “Chickey, make me a bagel with cream cheese. I hate butter.” “Chickey, wake-up. I know you don’t have work for another 3 hours, but drive me to work now.”

Afternoon - “Chickey, this place is disgusting. You are moving out. It better have a pool.”

Night - “Chickey, take me to dinner.” “Chickey, drive me home even though it is a 5 minute walk and you will probably lose your parking space.”

Everyday, it is something. Chickey waits on her hand and foot. For Valentine’s Day, not even two months into their relationship, he blew a $1,000 for a weekend in New York. When she was moving, he paid for it. When she is out with her friends and needs a ride home, who picks her up every single time? That's right, Chickey. No matter what she needs, he is there to do it. He has set a terrible precedent and he literally does anything she wants. Look I’m not saying you shouldn’t do things for the one you’re with. I totally get that. In fact, being there for your significant other and helping them out is a good thing. I mean, after all, you are talking to someone who once picked-up a rug at Crate & Barrel, hopped on the Bolt Bus to NYC, lugged that damn rug through Penn Station knocking over several people along the way, took the 6 train to the Upper East Side, and dropped the rug-off at my then girlfriend’s apartment. Granted I was visiting anyway, but was it annoying traveling with some ugly a$$ rug? Yes. Did I mind doing it? No. There is a line and Chickey’s situation goes way beyond that line. He is lost and needs to be found. Chickey is Darren Silverman in Saving Silvermen meets Alan on Two and a Half Men. It’s time to save Chickey.