And We're Back....

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have a wonderful surprise for you today. Yes, THE Sean Sullivan ("TSS") blog is back. Sans that hater, R-Mac, I’m sure most of you have missed the lack of blog posts. While it’s good to be back, that’s not the surprise. Today, we have a very special guest on the blog. My boss, Chaz, is here with us via an interactive chat. Chaz has seen it all and hopefully he’ll share his insights and experiences about life, the economy, commercial real estate, and maybe a couple antidotes about booze and women.

TSS: Chaz, welcome! I’m glad you could make it.

Chaz: Thanks for having me. I’m sorry I’m late. When you said chat room, I thought you meant the back room at Archibald’s Gentlemen’s Lounge. After I realized my mistake, I decided to squeeze in a quick lap dance anyway.

TSS: Why am I not surprised? Well, we are glad you finally made it. It is surprising you didn’t realize this would be a virtual discussion. You seem so tech-savvy. I always see you staring down at your blackberry during our Portfolio Meetings. I’m assuming you are checking your email and getting up to the second research and market data. It is really quit impressive since you are perfectly still the whole time.

Chaz: Between you and me, I’m catching a little shut eye. I’m always a little sleepy in the afternoon after my liquid lunch of scotch-rocks. Speaking of scotch, you told me there was going to be drinks at this fiasco.

TSS: Don’t worry. It’s coming.

Chaz: Okay good. It better fu*king get here soon. I’m thirsty. So where was I? Yes, I don’t really do technology. All I need to do a real estate deal is my fist and Marty or Twinkle Toes, who we just had to can for recommending some sh*tty assets and that Texas debacle, reading me investment proposals while I watch Starlet or Daisy do a hot number on the pole at Camelot. Remember, all you need to do a deal is a big d*ck, some guts, and someone dumb enough to give you their money.

TSS: I’ll write that down.

Chaz: So yeah technology is fu*king bullsh*t. I remember this one time in the office, someone told me I could find what I needed on the “U drive.” I thought that was some new sex move I didn’t know about it. I got all excited. Turns out, the “U drive” is on the computer. I was so pissed.

TSS: I think I remember that day. I think I heard a couple things shatter and break in your office?

Chaz: Yes, I have these ceramic pieces in my office. Most of them are look-a-likes of people in the office who really piss me off. I like to mash them or break them when I’m super pissed. I figure it is better than a lawsuit for physical abuse you know what I mean?

TSS: Sounds healthy. Which ceramic piece do you have the most of?

Chaz: Definitely Marty. That f*cker drive me crazy. When we were doing that OC deal, I must have broken three dozen Marty dolls.

TSS: Wasn’t that your deal? Isn’t that deal in the sh*tter now?

Chaz: Yeah so?

TSS: Nothing, just curious.

Chaz: I’m seriously thinking about getting Marty a couple escorts for the weekend. He needs to relax. He is driving me insane on this refinance and I may have to resort to actual physical abuse.

TSS: Good idea, you are a real innovator. Let’s get back to kicking the sh*t out of people for a minute. I heard a rumor that way back when you beat the crap out of a fairly prominent member of the Commercial Real Estate community at a bar. Is this true?

Chaz: F*ck yeah I did. That limp d*ck comes rolling in MY bar like he owns the joint. Yeah, I don’t think so. I left there with a few scratches, but not before that fu*ker went home with a black-eye. He took it like a b*tch too. He was crying and sh*t. It was pathetic.

TSS: Impressive, you definitely have redefined the term “dominant male.” So tell me, with the current state of the economy do you expect to do any new transactions in the next 12 months?

Chaz: Do dolphins butt-f*ck each other???

TSS: I don’t know how to answer that.

Chaz: Well, they do. I’ve seen it. I was skinny dipping off the coast of San Juan with this Puerto Rican hooker and there they were - these two dolphins mauling each other like savages. Watching these two mammals attack each other got me so f-ing horney I swam right towards the hooker and…

TSS: Okay! Let’s stop there. I’m good. That is way too much information. Let’s get back….,no, wait a second, you’ve paid for sex??

Chaz: Yes, I have. It’s kind of cool actually. You get to negotiate what you want beforehand and sometimes you get to do sh*t that you don’t even pay for. That’s why I got so excited about the “U drive”, a new move to try out. I like to practice on the professionals before I go home and attack my wife.

TSS: Okay, we can stop right there. I shouldn’t have asked. Once again, that’s way too much information. Let’s get back to the topic at hand….

Chaz: F*ck! I need a drink. Where is the scotch? I always pontificate better when I have a buzz.

TSS: I told you it will be here shortly.

Chaz: So yes the economy sucks balls right now, but we are definitely going to do some deals in the next 12 months. In fact, I will bet you we do at least 3 deals by this time next year or I will drink my own urine.

TSS: That’s disgusting.

Chaz: It usually still tastes like scotch.

TSS: I’m sure. I’ll take your word for it. Well, we are running out of time for the day, but you have a bet.

Chaz: You are definitely going to lose.

TSS: Okay whatever you say. Chaz, one more thing – you are a complete moron.

Chaz: I know. Don’t tell anyone else in the office. I think I have them fooled.

TSS: Deal! Let’s go drink some scotch…