Yes, I’m behind on staying current with blog posts. I’m still transitioning into a new place, my computer is still in the shop, and I have been busy celebrating America’s Birthday (my favorite holiday). Hopefully, I will be back into a routine in the next week or two. Until then, the blog posts may be a little sporadic. So in honor of America’s big day, this morning’s post revolves around the USA, including a recap of my holiday weekend.
As America celebrated its 233rd Birthday, I got to thinking about what makes America so special. Yes, of course there is democracy, liberty, and all that other patriotic junk. Those things are all nice, but I’m talking about those things that truly set America apart from the rest of the world. True, it has been a rough nine months for the US, but there is still plenty that makes this country great. In no specific order here are the five things that make America butt-f*cking awesome:
5. Budweiser. Oh wait, that is not even owned by an American Company anymore. Okay forget that one.
5A. Talentless Socialites. Let’s try this again. Only in America can people who bring absolutely nothing to the table expect their parents, grand parents or great grand parents wealth make headlines. Yes, some may say they are attractive, but in today’s America that’s enough. The Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie and Kim Kardashian’s of this country really have created a new aristocracy. No longer is wealth enough. You are really nothing until you have your own Reality Show, several cover pages on US Weekly, and regular spots on TMZ on top of all that money. I love America…..
4. Team America World Police. Yes, we may be at war; however, America and the World are safe with these guys in charge…..
Hey Terrorists - "...So Lick My Butt, And Suck on my Balls. America, F*CK YEAH!"
3. Sarah Palin. Yes, she has an ass that won’t quit. Yes, she wowed us with “Joe Six Pack” and “Mavericky.” Yes, she was so good that she took on Katie Couric and even got Tina Fey to come back to SNL, if only for those ten magical weeks. And now out of nowhere she is stepping down as the Governor of Alaska. Can you blame her? She had her 15 minutes and now it is time to translate those 15 minutes into iconic status because this is America and that’s what you do.
2. Water Parks. As Ricky Bobby said in Talladega Nights, “Why does anyone come to America? Schools, healthcare system, giant water parks.” While the first two may leave something to be desired, nobody does water parks like the U-S of A. Do they have water parks in China?? I don’t think so. The only water entertainment they know is swimming in the Yangtze River. China might have all our money, but they don’t have monster water slides, lazy rivers, and all the other ridiculous water fun that you can have at the likes of Six Flags, Kings Dominion, or the Disney Theme Parks.1. Excess. This is America. We do everything bigger, larger, and fatter than everyone else. Yes, all that excess led to too much spending, too much house, and pretty much too much everything. So who cares if a lot of people in America are now completely broke with massive debts and our nation as a whole has the biggest financial deficit ever. Take a page from our President’s playbook and keep on spending. Remember, this is America and tt’s not worth doing unless it is excessive and overdone. America’s motto is not “Land of the Free,” its “America: where everything is obnoxiously over-the-top.”
Real Men (And Women) of Genius (in this case, no so much) –
All in all, the holiday weekend was fantastic. My weekend started Thursday night, July 2nd, with the usual tour around town to a variety of watering holes. It was an excellent start to the weekend. The 3rd was a good friend’s birthday. The day started-off with going to see my man, Tiger Woods, at the AT&T National golf tournament followed by playing G (that’s golf) in the afternoon. Friday night’s birthday celebration looked more like the birthday celebration of a 20 year old than someone headed towards his late 20’s. Don’t get me wrong it was sweet and incredibly entertaining, but rocking out at the most frat-tastic bar in DC, The ‘Fadden, was interesting to say the least. For the actual 4th of July, I decided to do something a little different. In years past, I usually spend the 4th in DC or at the beach. This year I decided to accompany friends to Baltimore for fireworks in the Inner Harbor followed by a night out on the town. The night was going well, until “Hurricane Steve” decided to break out his favorite game called the Bottle. We’ll learn more about “Hurricane Steve” at a later date, but Hurricane Steve’s game “the Bottle”, while fun, is dumb and dangerous.
The game is quit simple. After placing a beer bottle on the ground, the goal is to dance in and around the bottle without knocking the bottle over. Ideally, some sort of circle is formed while people try to one up each other with their sick dance moves. Inevitably, someone does knock over the bottle and as a result has to drink (from their own drink, not the bottle on the ground). The game seemed to be gaining momentum at the bar until someone broke the bottle. Wow, who would have seen that coming??? Yes, once again this game may be fun, but it is completely moronic. Anyway, people continued to dance while being cautious to steer clear of the broken glass, including yours truly. Seriously, I wasn’t going to stop now. I was in the dance zone. As the beat went on, I continued to kick a$$ on the dance floor and started to throw-in a couple THE Sean Sullivan specials, including dipping my current dance partner. Trust me its money. Unfortunately this time it wasn’t so money, I managed to dip a girl way too far and felt the sudden pain of glass chars cut into the outside of my hand. The girl was unscathed, but this was a total buzz kill as I had to spend the next 30 minutes in the bathroom trying to stop the bleeding. This was particularly frustrating since, like I said, I was in the dance zone and now I was “that guy” with the bloody hand. It was awesome. Actually no, it was terrible. Now, days later, my hand still looks like it was mauled by some sort of animal and no it was NOT a vampire. Hurricane Steve your game, the Bottle, is definitely not genius and I am a complete moron for trying to play along.
Look for another post on Friday….
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