Monday Morning Coffee

So there are several topics I want to talk about this morning. So instead of the usual Monday morning rant or observations from the week or weekend prior, I thought I would revisit a couple prior blog posts.

Spin Class -

Several people have asked about spin class girl.  The window of opportunity with her is now closed. I have not seen her at class since our last counter.  You know the encounter that ended with "see you next week" instead of "let's meet for drinks tonight."  Yes, that one.  Anyway, it looks like she has walked out of my life forever or at least until the fall.  During one conversation, she told me once grad school ended for the semester she was headed back to Norway before spending the summer in Africa for an internship.  Let's my experience be a lesson to all of you - when you got the shot, take it!  You only get one shot in life sometimes and you better fu*king shoot the ball.  Was she the one?  Who knows.  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Okay probably not, but that's not really the point.  The point is life is all about the moment and rising to the occasion in that moment.  If  this was one of those defining moments, then the definition was absolute sh*t.

Vampires - 

So do you remember when I suggested that Justin Timberlake was a vampire?  Well, if I didn't convince you before, then the following video should convince you.  My co-worker, Andrew, was not a believer, but now he is.  Watch out - hide your mothers.  Justin Timberlake is on the prowl!

Speaking of vampires, it is no secret that vampires biggest nemesis is wolves.  If you don't know this, then I really suggest you read the Twilight series. You need to be in the know or your life will be in mortal danger.  Well, it looks like wolves might be the new "it" thing challenging the popularity of vampires.  The popularity of this wolf tee shirt is stratospheric.  

I mean these shirt are off the charts hott.  Read the reviews at the bottom of the link - wolf tee shirt.  It is unbelievable.  There hasn't been anything this popular since Hannah Montana.  Here is a sample review of the wolf tee....

This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called meth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him. 

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt. 

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women 
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.

  

Watch out vampires.  The wolves are coming.

Real Men (and Women) of Genius -

Believe it or not, I actually have a queue going for this section of the blog.  It is amazing when I actually sit down and think about the truly brilliant, innovators out there.  Every day, people's ingenious is on full display.  I was all ready to talk to you about "Chicky."  Actually, I was going to tell you about Chicky's girlfriend, she is the real women of genius.  However, she will have to wait for another week.  I can't help myself I have to go with my co-worker, 'Los.  We first learned of 'Los during my segment about people sleeping in meetings.  After an unprecedented week last week, it is clear that 'Los has perfected this art form and is certifiable genius.  I have completely underestimated his abilities.  Not only does he have the standard three moves down, which I discussed last week, but he has perfected his own move, the "'Los jiggle."  It is a perfect combination of slight head movement with a subtle head bob that manages to not awake his deep slumber combined with a body gyration that makes him appear to be awake during a meeting when in fact he is actually sleeping.  There is no better example of this than during a meeting last week.  Now, I did not attend this meeting, but I have great intel from my co-worker, Andrew, who is very familiar with 'Los' tactics.  

One afternoon last week, 'Los decided to call a meeting in his office regarding a development project with Andrew and another colleague.  Let me be clear, 'Los called this meeting.  This was not some required meeting called by management or a weekly conference call that is unnecessary and often boring.  'Los called this meeting in his office.  During this 45-6o minute meeting, 'Los managed to fall asleep no less than 6 times.  That's right 6 times!  According to Andrew, at one point his eyes were so heavy with slumber he almost looked cross-eyed.  At another point in the meeting, 'Los was working the "'Los jiggle" to perfection while staring at his computer. This is truly amazing.  In my short professional career, I have never and I mean never heard of someone call their own meeting and manage to fall asleep.  This is absolutely incredible. 'Los is a genius and a true master of his craft.  There is no one on the planet who could pull-off scheduling his own meeting and manage to fall asleep no less than 6 times during that same meeting, except for 'Los.  So 'Los, here's to you "Mr. I nod-off in every meeting guy."