Losing a Legend

No lie, I love Sparks.  

There are only four things in the world I love more than Sparks - 82.35% of my family and friends, Coca-cola Classic, the Washington Redskins, and golf.  Now to be honest, I never really got into energy drinks or RBVs (Red Bull Vodkas), but there is something unexplainably amazing about that combination of guarana, ginseng, caffeine, and malt liquor.  When the Sparks starts flowing, something about it makes me feel alive inside.  It's truly amazing.  Let's be honest, I'm probably the last person who needs Sparks.  I'm already completely wired as is and Sparks fires me up to completely unnecessary levels.  It's cool though because this is America and we are all about excess. 

Apparently, the FDA feels that Sparks is "unsafe"  and "young people are prone to engage in risky behavior due to the effects of Sparks." I think the FDA is confusing unsafe and risky with awesome. The Miller Brewing Company, the maker of Sparks, has agreed to take caffeine and all the other ingredients that fire you up out of this amazing blend of alcohol, sugar, and pure adrenaline.  It started distributing new Sparks earlier this year.  Congratulations Miller Brewing, new Sparks will be like when new formula Coca-Cola came out and everyone knows how that turned out - it sucked.  You truly have killed a legend.

Sparks, I discovered you way too late in your life and now you are gone way before your time.  I still remember the first time I met you.  It was two months ago and I was visiting my sister in college.  I wanted so desperately to act like I was still in college.  I wanted to prove I still had it.  Sparks, you let me in, you showed me the way.  It was incredible.  For one special Saturday, I was a junior in college all over again.  Like many greats before you, James Dean, Jimi Hendrix, Chris Farley, and LaToya Jackson's singing career, you died way too young.  You will truly be missed.

So according to the ghetto a$$ liquor store on the corner, they are still selling original Sparks.  This may be a limited time offer, so in honor of this legendary fusion I'm paying tribute the only way I know how - Sparks Party!  This will be a monumental event.  Say yes.  Save the date - Saturday, June 6th or Friday, June 12th.  Evite to follow.