D.T.R Manifesto

DTR is without a doubt the greatest acronym going right now.  For you Richmond readers, no it does not mean Downtown Richmond.    It actually means Define The Relationship ("DTR"). The most recognizable example of the DTR is usually a conversation one, two, or in some cases fourteen months into the casual dating relationship.  Guys often finding themselves confronted with the question "So, where's this going?" from their lady counterpart.  For girls, you can usually tell if your guy wants to DTR it when comments or questions like this make their way into the conversation - "I'm really into you" or "Uh, so, uh, are we like dating??" 

DTR is definitely the most interesting and, for some, possibly the most aggravating part of the dating game.  It is often a true tug-of-war between the man and the woman.  Let me be clear though men and woman are on both sides of the DTR game.  There are both men and woman rushing to the DTR finish line while others, like myself, are running for the exits when the DTR rears its head.

I have a friend who seems to be a little confused or in flat out denial when it comes to the DTR. For the purposes of this blog, let's call this friend, Mike.  Without getting into too much detail, Mike re-connected with an old gf several months ago.  Much to my surprise, he has kept the relationship casual for several months now; however, Mike has made a serious error and may have unknowingly DTR'd himself right out of bachelorhood.  We'll get back to his situation later.

Fortunately for Mike, I have developed the DTR Manifesto.  These 7 triggers define the relationship without actually having the conversation about the relationship.  If you commit one of these seven sins, then you just said bye-bye to single life without even knowing what's up.

#7.  Meet the Parents.  Meeting the parents is absolutely a DTR.  The minute you meet the parents - boom!  Lock-it up - relationship time.  This is so obvious is not even worth mentioning; HOWEVER, there is a way to anticipate this potential pit fall if you are paying attention.  As things progress up the casual scale, often times you will hear comments like "oh, I wish you were around Sunday afternoon to meet my parents."  Under no circumstances, say, "that would have been great.  I really want to meet them sometime."  Whether you mean it or not, you basically just committed yourself because the next time the parents are around.  You mind as well book that sh*t because you are f*cking going.  A better response to the initial comment would be  - "Yeah, I have greco roman wrestling with the fellas.  Sorry babe."

#6.  The airport.  Laugh it up, but it is absolutely true.  Harry was onto something with this one in When Harry Met Sally.  Never, ever take someone you are casually dating to the airport (with one exception - see rule #3).  It is sets a precedent and you now basically have one foot in the relationship door.  He or she is no longer seeking a friend to help them out for a ride, he or she has your a$$.  You're done - DTR!  

#5  You are casually dating.  He or she gets sick.  You take care of them. Over. DTR.  Enough said.

#4 Rule of 4.  In college's that have greek life, this was known as the double function assumption.  If someone asked you to back-to-back social functions and you were not dating, then a date function twice over usually signaled someone wanted something a little more.  We are in the real world now people, okay maybe I'm sort of in the real world, but the rule is now double.  If you commit one of your weekend nights for 4 straight weekends to your casual counterpart for activities like dinner and movie, The Notebook on NetFlix, or drinking wine by the fire, then it is absolutely over for you. DTR squared b*tch! Oh yes, meeting people for drinks at some lame bar with your "fling" and bailing before midnight definitely counts as part of the rule of 4.  If you are reading this and you just finished week 3 in the Rule of 4, then you better realize your a$$ has 48 hours to make plans to go balls to the wall next weekend or you are about to get DTR'd because your casual counterpart is going to come calling mid-week.

#3 Pet Sitting. This one is more of a special case scenario.  He or she goes out of town and you manage not to take them to the airport, but inexplicably volunteer to watch, feed, and walk their pets. Don't even fight it - DTR!  You are done with a captial D.  When given the option chose the airport.

#2 Friend time.  The minute you start spending a significant amount of time with his or her friends, then it is to start smelling the DTR roses.  Friend time means his or her friends like you, which means he or she really likes you, which ultimately leads to the DTR.  The cardinal sin here is you start participating in special events by or for their friends.  Good example - guy meets girl, casual dating ensues, girl has guy friend who is engaged, guy friend has a bachelor party and you are invited.  Guy friend is awesome, you decide to go, f*ck it you're done,  DTR.  

#1  Going away together.  This one should be obvious, but for some people it's not.  If someone proposes a weekend getaway or 4 day destination wedding in the Dominican Republic and you are just casually dating, well you can just throw the word "casual" away at the security gates like it is bottled water.  I don't care if it is going to be really fun and you are not thinking about this trip that way.  It doesn't matter, this is unequivocally a one-way trip to DTR town.  End of story.

Now, back to my friend, Mike.  When Mike first told me about his old/new fling I was convinced  he would be doomed by the Rule of 4.  Mike has done a great job maintaining a nice balance.  However, on Friday, after a couple cocktails on the waterfront, he revealed to me his upcoming plans with his lady friend.  In one fell swoop he broke the DTR Manifesto with rule #1 and rule #2. Let's just say it is of the cardinal sin variety for rule #2.  For those of you scoring at home, Mike with be attending an upcoming bachelor party for her friend followed by long weekend getaway in sunny Punta Cana.  Granted, Mike's circumstances are different considering they used to date.  That said, Mike has been adamant about keeping things light and casual this time around.  I have tried to show Mike the light, but he will not listen. He does not believe in the importance of the DTR Manifesto.  Please chime-in and help him. He is lost and needs to be found.

P.S. Other rules for the DTR Manifesto are open for discussion as well.

One week later...

After a great week of blogging, I am officially retiring.  Thanks to all of you who have read the blog.  It's been a great run!

Yeah right, this sh*t is awesome and I'm just getting started.

THE Sean Sullivan Blog is officially a week old.  After a week in the blogosphere, the feedback has been pretty phenomenal.  Several readers have emailed wanting to know when to expect the next post.  One reader was quoted as saying, "I just can't get enough."  Don't worry, I look forward to giving the internet machine more good sh*t to post on the world wide web.  

I have gotten some questions about the blog as well.  People ask me, "Sean, what's the motivation behind the blog?"  The answer is quit simple I plan on selling the creative rights to Hollywood for a boat load of cash.  Did someone say The Sean Sullivan Rom Com? The two easiest ways to get rich in this country are start a religion or start a blog.  Since Ron Hubbard stole Scientology from me, I had to go with plan B.  Oh yeah, I'm also scared sh*tless of Facebook and thought this was a better alternative to stay connected.  

To be honest, there were many people along the way who encouraged me to start blogging about the roller coaster ride that is life.  Several co-workers and friends have enjoyed some of my prior material and others of you know how much I love to joke around.  The list is long and distinguished and it would take way too long to name you all.  You all know who you are, so thank you.

 Then there was my hero and personal mentor, Kenny Powers, who made me realize "fundamentals are a crutch for the talentless."  Don't ask me how that pertains to anything I'm saying.  I just think it is really important and you all should write that down and remember it.

In all seriousness, I have found the experience amazingly rewarding.  I think it goes without saying I love to be entertaining and this is a great way to do that.  I will also say it was a fellow blogger who finally pushed me into the world of blogging.  She deserves a shout out as well.  

Carly made the jump into blogging a year ago and has never looked back.  Her blog is pretty bada$$ and she definitely has some funny things to say.  I encourage my readers to check her blog out - http://carly-pumpkin.blogspot.com/.  A couple heads-up about her blog - she may be borderline obsessed with Rafa Nadal and she may or may not be the long lost twin sister of Phillies star pitcher, Cole Hamels.    Although we have not reached an agreement, our agents are working tirelessly on a deal that will include point-counter point blog postings.  Think of it as CNN crossfire, but I am way funnier than James Carville and she is way hotter than Tucker Carlson.

Bigger things are on the horizon for this blog.  Along with point-counter point postings, I plan to host special guests, contests for followers of the blog, and debates about important life topics like how to identify a vampire, most underrated candy bar, and what not to do when you are trying to close .   I encourage those reading the blog to sign-up to follow the blog.  Comments to blog postings are highly encouraged and suggestions for future blog are also welcome.

Since the readers want to see more.  Look for another post tomorrow.

Searching for My Inner LeBron

In the last six months, I have elevated my game to a whole new level.  I have practically become unstoppable.  I can’t miss.  It all works – the jokes, the one-liners, the faxes.  My game is in a whole new stratosphere. I’m the 2008-2009 version of LeBron James.   Most people believe LeBron’s upside is limitless and this season he clearly has gone to a whole new level.  Not only are his numbers once again ridiculously insane, but his team tied for the best home record in NBA history and he also led his team to the best record in the NBA this season.  And let’s be real, how many people can name another player on the Cleveland Cavaliers besides LeBron James??  Okay, that’s what I thought.  The man is simply amazing.

While LeBron keeps on amazing us, I’m seemed to hit a serious stumbling block, which started three weeks ago at my five year college reunion.  Some of you know the story.  As for those of you who don’t know the tale, I don’t really want to get into it. It is just going to fire me up, it is just going to piss me off, so trust me when I say, it butt-fu*king sucked, a lot.  In the annals of god awful reunions, this one is definitely up there.  The only thing that could have made it worse would have been me showing up 100 pounds over-weight while still managing to be that guy with a coke problem.  That said, when the weekend ended, I expected to return to my home court and it would be business as usual, expect that hasn't happened. I have gone cold from field.  My jumpers aren’t falling.  I can’t get to the rim.  My game is in a total funk.  There is no better example of this funk than today…..

Over the last four-five weeks, I have developed a nice flirtation with this girl in my spin class.  We are in the same Wednesday lunch spin class at the Y.  Side note, for you punks out there laughing at my attendance to spin class, you should know I’m training for a triathlon.  I’m trying to be the best at exercise.  Clearly, I may have also tapped into a whole new world of women I didn’t even know about.  Anyway, back to this girl.  It started with an exchange of smiles, progressed to a few witty comments, and now we have some pretty fun conversations before and after class. 

Today, it was all right there in front of me.  First, she posted up into the bike next to my usual bike.  This was a good sign, considering she has her go-to bike as well and was breaking routine.  We made small talk before class and then after class she approached me to make more conversation. We talked for a while in the hallway.  It was light conversation, but very witty and fun.  At this point, I’m really starting to think this is on like Donkey Kong. Then, there was the pause.  You know, the pause, that momentary awkward break in conversation, where you both realize you both want it to keep going, but someone has to make a move.  You know you want to pull the trigger.  You want to say something; you want to ask her out.  And all the while during this moment she is waiting there because she wants you to say something as well.   This is the moment; this is what the game is all about; this is what I live for.  If I’m Lebron, then this is Game 7 of the NBA Finals. Time is winding down, my team is down one, I got the isolation I want against that Spanish oeuf, Pau Gasol, who can't guard worth sh*t and all I need to do is go to my crossover, blow by Gasol, walk 4 steps because that’s allowed in the NBA, and flush this b*tch home by asking her out.  I have been in this moment a hundred times.  This is easy. I got this sh*t, but wait….what do I do? I pass the ball to Delonte West and settle for “see you next week.”  

Seriously, “see you next week?”   Wow, that was pathetic.  I’m off to the gym. I’m going to shoot my way out of this funk. Don’t ask me what that means.  I’m just trying to end with one last basketball analogy.  And I'm still looking for my inner LeBron...

 

Mark Your Calendar

You never know when the day is going to arrive and if you are not paying attention you might even miss it.  Lucky for you, I'm all over it.  It's Friday.  I was a little trigger happy and thought it was last Friday, but nope it is this Friday.   Friday is without a doubt one of the 10 best days of the year. As my friend, Billy, so correctly pointed out to me last week it is "Halter top" day according to the Sports Guy on ESPN.com.  I prefer to call it - "Damn girrll, where you been?"

With temperatures in the mid-to-upper 70s on Friday and nothing but sun, the day has arrived.  It is the day girls look stop-in-your tracks amazing for the first time since the autumnal equinox.  Some would argue it was last Saturday, but I would argue it has to be during the week.  It is always a little better when girls are wearing their spring/summer professional attire.  Maybe that's a personal preference, but in any case Friday is the start of that new kind of normal guys absolutely love.  And just think, Friday kicks-off what is supposed to be a very warm weekend. You know what that means fellas - chicks laying out.

For guys, the day hits them like a freight train.  They can't stop staring, their head is practically spinning, and they say to themselves, "where have all these hotties been for the last six months?  They look incredible."  The truth is they have been there the whole time, but jeans and a heavy sweater don't say super hot like a sundress or a skirt.  It's a fact girls look better when it's warmer.  Google it.

As for the girls, they know what's up.  They have every guys attention showing-off their great stems in their skirts and dresses.  Just to add to the madness they wear a tight shirt showing off some serious skin.  In the end, it's all deadly.  

So for you guys reading this, wear sunglasses on Friday so you can get some stares in while trying to avoid being completely creepy  And for you ladies reading this,  make sure you look extra good on Friday because the guys will be paying attention.

As for me, I'm leaving work at 4:30pm and headed to the Georgetown Waterfront to get a front row seat.  Book it!  See you there!

The Genesis Posting

"Let there be light......" -God

So after much discussion and debate, I have decided to give the people what they want - THE Sean Sullivan blog. I'm not sure what finally made me take the plunge, but it is definitely time.  I would like to tell you that this blog, much like Phil Collins after he left his boys in Genesis, will be full of incredible insights about love, personal happiness, and the meaning of life. No lie, that's probably not happening. If you want to read about that crap, go read something by this clown - http://bookstore.joelosteen.com/

Come on people.  You know me - I'm just living the dream. That sort of mantra usually makes for very entertaining days and nights.  I may throw-in some random thoughts, I may discuss some of the influential people in my life like Kenny Powers or my alpha male boss, and every so often I may come up with some deep profound sh*t that will blow your mind, but in the end I am all about entertainment value.  So enjoy the ridiculousness that is my life.....  

Spread the good word THE Sean Sullivan blog has arrived.